it's 6:35 and i am avoiding this english paper on all fronts

i looked through my tumblr earlier today and felt so guilty. so guilty that the last few days is just reblogs and the few formspring responses and vaguely mentioning the sort of secret collaboration me and lexi are doing that’s going to wow you for the next ten years. and i just feel like i’m not doing what i once came here to do. i promise you guys i have things to write here soon, things i’ve just sort of shoved in my journal and tailed at the end of letters here lately. with the collaboration and the projects from my english teacher (who’s brain is complete and total mush, for the record, as she is the most irrelevant creature of any of my interests….) and trying to get spoken word poetry gigs and scrap up money to afford driving out thirty minutes to do spoken word poetry gigs and trying to scrap up money to catch the train to chicago to see the premier of the film adaptation of my story….i’ve been in a total whirl wind, and i owe you guys so many stories and so many thoughts that i’ve been collecting on napkins and in the corner of my math notes. i’m gathering so much energy and pushing it out toward a thousand other things, i feel like i haven’t written anything really personal in awhile. and hopefully me and lexi’s collab will make up for it - it feels more personal than anything i’ve ever done on here. so don’t put your coats back on yet, i’ll just be fashionably late.

lexi!

i sent you a link to the audio i made today, go go go gogo gogogogo

i need to get out of here before this place eats me alive

me and leeeexiii

are gonna collaaaaab!! you guys are excited, right? p.s. i got some really great things on my form spring last night right before i was going to delete it - so i’m going to keep it up for a little longer today! so if there’s anything you want to say click heeeereeee and go go go because i extended the deadline a little longer. p.s. splintered truths, you participated in the project i did for my best friend, didn’t you? if you still have my email i totally need you to email me asap because i have suuuuuch things to say to you!

DAINAOLOGY + SEA LEGS LEXI + ASHLIKAAN/LIKE LAVA =

dainaology:

flickr/tumblr explosion of all things that are good.

NEXT WEEK?!!?!?! Yes. Oh, yes.

MY BRAIN CANNOT HANDLE THIS, I’M GOING TO FREAK OUT! THE WORLD CANNOT HANDLE OUR ENERGIES COMBINED!!!!!!

formspring

(link: formspring)
here are a few of the ones i chose so far:

“god, i wish you would write more. i could read your work all day. i’ve never wanted to read someone’s writings like this before…”

what you wrote made me want to melt and totally deflate. every time i see a new formspring submission i sort of prepare for someone who’s going to throw what i do to shit - i’m so used to taking insults with compliments, but sometimes someone will say something that makes me forget things like insults exists. i’m going to tell you a secret: when i first came to tumblr i didn’t want to have a single follower. and the first time i followed someone and they reblogged what i wrote and the followers started coming, i was fucking terrified. i was far too afraid to reveal myself to all of these strangers, strangers who had no idea who i really was but could easly pick it all apart in seconds. i often relate it to one of my favourite lines in the movie brick, when brendon says “i could just stand here and bleed at you.” and as over-dramatic as it sounds, sometimes that’s what it feels like i’m doing here. standing here and bleeding at all of you. and some times someone is going to call me out for being over dramatic. but sometimes, someone else is like “hey. i bleed too.”

“will you tell us more about you? like, who’s your love interest, what’s your favorite song, are you a good driver, do you ever take cold showers, have you ever been in love, how often do you cry. let’s get uncomfortably personal.”

i will get uncomfortably personal! everything i think feels uncomfortably personal, which is why i don’t talk a lot when i first meet someone. all of my thoughts feel like they might be too inappropriate to say. i fiddle in my pockets a lot. i’m a really picky driver, i have to go a certain speed and listen to a certain song and i only like to drive in certain areas - like when i go to class i pick the long way down highway 11 because it’s prettier than the interstate, and not a single person can talk me out of going through there. i believe in a thousand different types of love. i don’t think you can base your philosophy toward the subject on what anyone else feels or has told you - otherwise you’ll never feel it for yourself. i think it’s a unique entity for every body it encompasses. i love my best friend emmanuel, who i call bear, more than most things. he once gave me a book i had been wanting for a long time, and on the inside cover wrote “from one bear to another in hopes to inspire what you fear most. to be exposed in experiences inexorably and infinitely.” i fall inlove with strangers. very briefly and not at all romantically - but i am easily fascinated. i am easily shell-shocked. i have a boyfriend, we made a year and a half the other week. he always makes sure to take the loose change out of all my pockets before we do laundry. he’s lactose intolerant. he has freckles on his shoulders. i cry a lot because i feel everything. never in front of anyone. right now my favourite song is here comes your man by the pixies, but my all time favourite is wrapped in piano strings by radical face - it makes me nostalgic about my best friend. i never take cold showers, only indefinitely long hot showers, where most of the best ideas i ever conjure up come from - that and dreams i had the night before. i keep a small notebook, like a detective notebook, where i write really simple thoughts i have in. when people ask me what i’m writing i tell them i’m a spy.

“What’s something that’s changed you the most? Something so moving you couldn’t go back to the way you were before it?”

by the way, the first part of what you wrote was ridiculously sweet, i smiled the whole time i read it. i’m so happy you feel that way and that you took the time to tell me, it meant more than you could know . so thank you, thank you so much. and this is a really good question you asked - i really had to think hard on this one. there are many things that have kick-started something in me, but it’s hard to choose the one that’s changed me the most. a lot of heavy things hit me in my senior year of high school, i can think of three off the top of my head right now, but i’m only going to talk about one. i read a poem to a friend of mine, and i did not tell her i wrote it. i had never done that before. and she was inspired by it, and did some art based on it. and later when i revealed this secret, she couldn’t figure out why i didn’t just tell her i wrote it. i did it because sometimes being invisible means everything and being obvious means nothing. in my senior year when i was fighting to figure out how i planned to survive after high school, everything i loved lost its meaning. and i needed it to mean something to me again. i needed what i love to mean something to me, even if it did not always love me back. this is also why i made a tumblr, before i had hundreds of followers and before anyone knew my work, i came here to remember what i am. and now i do. and i haven’t been the same sense.

“do you collect anything? is so, what?”

first of all, that was not a lame question like you said! it’s a totally fine question! i’m a collecting fiend, for the record. so i’m going to tell you the weirdest thing i collect: old library cards. i go to public libraries, and you know the old catalog cards in the back of books with the date people checked them out? i steal them and keep them in a box. i’m a creep, i know! the oldest one i have is an alice and wonderland check out card, and the earliest date someone check it out was in 1962. neat, right!?

and @youthculturebrigade: what you wrote was sweet as hell and meant a lot. in the future when i have more time to have another pen pal, you are the first on the list.

formspring

i mentioned earlier that i would make a formspring only for one day, and this is it. i’ve never made one before because i think they’re sort of an excuse for people to anonymously attack someone, but i’ve been meaning to try it out for awhile. i really don’t want to annoy everyone by filling up dashboards with my responses, so i’m probably going to answer the most asked and the most interesting

but you’re free to write anything, i’ll try to respond to what i can!

»»click here click here click here click here

ashli i just found your address in my e-mail

glisteningsnow:

since we’ve never on at the same time

starting your letter now! :D

youuuu! i’ve been meaning to email you, but i see you’re a little detective and found me out ;) but i think i’m going to email you my actual mail box because my post office box might not exist anymore…dotdot dot…..but hurrrrrry and write in the mean time, i’m way too excited!!!!!